Posted by: wildflowerz | June 16, 2010

Oh, jealousy, look what you’ve done. You’ve got a hold of me; you’ve made me become who I’d never be. And I’m running from this jealousy look what its done.

The little girl drama starts so freaking young, doesn’t it?  I think I have a handle on what to tell Emily, but how do I keep myself from getting all worked up and pissed off about it?  I think the other entry I made that was partially about this I changed to Private, so I’ll do a short recap of what’s happening.

Em has a friend in our neighborhood that she played with at the pool ALL last summer.  This year, we were happy to find out that she was in her kindergarten class.  Emily came from a PreK where most of the kids were going to a different elementary school, so she didn’t know many kids.  The little girl came over for a play date once and it ended in yelling and hurt feelings.  It sounded to me like it was Emily causing the fuss and the best I could tell, Emily was getting very easily frustrated that her friend didn’t know how to play the games that Emily wanted to play or how to work the toys Em had.  I’ve seen her be this way with another friend of her’s who’s just over a year younger than she is.  The play dates with the other little girl that are over here always end with the girl wanting to go back home after less than 30 minutes and Em being frustrated and crying.  As far as I know, she’s fine if she goes to this other little girl’s house, but that makes sense.  I mean, the other little girl is going to know how to play all her own games and toys.  Anyway, back to the friend from the pool:  A few weeks after their play date here, Emily went to the girl’s house for a play date and had absolutely no problems and they played fine together.  We didn’t do any more playdates.

So, fast forward to this summer.  They get out of school and we’re going to the pool.  Emily plays with the other little girl just fine.  Then, the other little girl has a playdate with one of their classmates and brings her to the pool.  Emily is friends with this other little girl too.  They immediately come in and tell Emily that they don’t want to play with her and they just want to play by themselves.  Then they tell this to Emily over and over again.  The mom does absolutely nothing while this is going on ’cause she can’t take her ear away from her phone.  Emily cries and cries.  I tell her that she can’t make people be nice or behave the way she wants them to and she just needs to play with the kids she was playing with before her “friends” came in and leave them alone.  I was proud of her ’cause after that, she was playing with some girls with a beach ball.  A boy playing near them grabbed the ball and they immediately jumped to the slightly whiney “we were playing with that!”  He pretty much immediately gave it back and them Em invited him to play with them and he did.

The girl was at the pool again at the same time as us later and they played together fine.  Fast forward to today.  We get to the pool and the girl has another play date at the pool with yet another one of Emily’s friends from school.  This is the girl that we saw at the art festival they had near the end of the year that kept hugging on Emily every time we saw her.  So, of course, Emily wants to play with them and the little girls runs over to give Em a big hug too.  This is when the complaining started from the girl in our neighborhood.  Em brought out a bunch of her toys to play with and the girl stopped whining about how the friend should play only with her and not with Emily for a bit, but they argued about who got turns with Emily’s toys.  Whenever the playdate girl would even turn her head to say something to Em, the neighborhood girl would whine and whine about how she was having a play date with her and not Emily and she should just play with her.  OMG did it ever get freakin’ old.  I heard her mom talking to some of the other moms and now I get a little why the neighborhood girl’s acting like this.  The mom goes on and on about how only 2 girls can play together and when you get 3 you start getting fighting.  You can hear the neighborhood girl echo this over and over again for the next half hour.  This is not something we subscribe to here.  Sure, we’d only ever have one kid over for a play date, but I always encourage Em to play with everyone she wants to.  And Em usually does a pretty good job at this.  Don’t get me wrong, we do have our issues, but this isn’t one of them.  So, Emily tried to play with them, but neighborhood girl just kept being rude and ugly.  Her mom wasn’t saying anything to her and I doubt she was even listening.  I wanted to give them a chance to try and work it out, but it was horrible.  So, finally I called Em over to me and told her that it wasn’t her fault that the other girl was being mean and all she could do was be nice.  If they kept being mean, then she just needs to ignore them and find someone else to play with, play by herself, or play with me.  She finally clued in and played a little with some younger girls who were there.  Then, one of Em’s friends came to the pool.  So they played together for just a bit.  Then you’ll never believe what happened.  The playdate of neighborhood girl went to the bathroom and was in there for a bit and neighborhood girl came over to Em and her friend and started being whiny when they wouldn’t play with her.

O.O

Are you fucking kidding me?

Later, they started saying loudly how Em’s friend could play with them when Em left.  Over and over again.  I wanted to smack them.  Then, Em and her friend were playing on the opposite end of the pool from them.  The neighborhood girl’s float that they’d dumped in the pool and not played with at all floated into them and Em and her friend got in it.  Cue neighborhood girl from the other end of the pool hauling ass to swim down to them and screeching that they had to get off of it and that it was her’s.  Seriously.  After every time we come to the pool they all help themselves to Em’s toys and Em shares every single thing she has.  Blah, blah, blah.  Here’s where I admit that I’d had enough and my bitch came out.  I went over to Emily and told her that it wasn’t her float and that even though neighborhood girl wasn’t playing with it, she saw that Emily was and didn’t want Em to play with it so she had to get out of it.  2 minutes later, she decided that Em and her friend could play with it after all.  But I told Emily not to bother it at all and not to play with it.

And it’s not exactly hard to see where a lot of it comes from.  I’d not been super good friends with the girl’s mom, but we’d definitely been friendly and talked quite a bit before.  However, today, she says hello when I come in and then ignores me to talk to the other moms.  And, okay, whatever.  I’m usually reading at the pool so really this didn’t bother me or anything.  But then, the other moms started leaving.  Guess who calls down to me “That must be a really good book you’re reading Jennifer!”  Yes, it was petty and ugly of me, but I pretended I didn’t hear her.  We left about 5 minutes after that.

So, back at home, I reiterate what I’d told Emily about being nice and just ignoring someone if they’re being mean to her.  I also told her that she had a few options when dealing with neighborhood girl.  She can play with the girl when the girl wants to play and ignore her when she’s being ugly.  Or she can just not play with the girl at all ’cause she keeps being ugly to her.  She said she’d rather not play with her at all.  I also told her that she can always change her mind and play with her and that the girl may change and not be so ugly as she grows up.  I also told Em I was proud of her for always including all the kids that wanted to play with her.

And she’s only 6.  I’ve got years and years more of this shit to deal with.  /sigh

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Responses

  1. UGH. I only see glimpses of this crap, but it always makes me want to pinch someone – starting with the mama! I do think Emily is a really sweet girl who does a good job of sharing, which means good job parents. 🙂 When I think about our last pool date versus last year’s few play dates I have to smile at how far our little divas have come in that department! 🙂

    • Yes! Exactly! I did make sure to tell Em before Saturday that it was perfectly fine to play with other kids TOO, but that your Little was here for her for a play date, so there would be no excluding. I didn’t *think* we’d have a problem with that w/o me saying anything to her, but after all this other crap with Neighborhood Kid, I wanted to make sure it was certain. And before y’all came, Em was playing with two other kids…one that left before y’all got there. Afterwards, she played with both for a bit with absolutely no problems.


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