I’m gonna go ahead and say right up front that there will probably be spoilers for Scream 4 in this entry. I’ll put a big Spoiler warning before I do that, but just so you know it will be coming. I had a friend who was looking forward to seeing it and people spoiled it for him and he was pretty bummed. I can only figure that since it just came out Friday, those people are giant assholes, but whatever.
Chris has absolutely no interest in horror movies and I was a big Scream fan back when they first came out. So I was pretty damn excited to see that a new one was coming out. Especially one with so many big names. Yeah, I knew they’d probably pull a Drew Barrymore on at least a few of those, but whatever. So, last night, Chris took Em to soccer practice and I went to see Scream 4 all by myself. That sounds lonely, yeah? But it wasn’t. It was pretty awesome. So, the movie. Before I go spoiling, let me say that if you were a big fan of the originals, wait. Just rent it when it comes out. If you weren’t a huge fan of the originals, just skip it. It’s like they actually wrote the thing 10 years ago and slightly updated it with a teensy bit of new tech and some stupid slang and called it a day. It felt disjointed and hastily put together. Hayden Panettiere wasn’t bad but everyone else sucked hard. Neve Campbell did the same performance she always does with little range. Courtney Cox was horrible and shrill. David Arquette was clueless, but not even lovably clueless like Dewey used to be. It was just bad.
Now that you’ve been suitably warned, this movie tried to be both a sequel AND a remake and it failed at both. Let’s start at the beginning: Lucy Hale, Shenae Grimes, Anna Paquin, Aimee Teagarden, and Brittany Robertson all die in the first 5 minutes in what’s actually the Stab movies we’re watching. Kristin Bell’s also in that mix, but doesn’t die. Still, she’s in the Stab movie, so it’s not like we’re going to see much of her after that. Allison Brie was kinda good with her bitchy publicist angle. Emma Roberts as Jill was just awful. She was okay as the majority of the movie Jill, but end of the movie Jill was horrid. Erik Knudsen was okay, but Rory Culkin was awful. Anthony Anderson and Adam Brody were totally wasted. Marley Shelton appeared to be playing some strange parody character and had weird crazy eyes that seemed to look off in different directions, along with her ill-fitting deputy pants. Mary McDonnell was totally wasted.
As for plot…it should have been pretty apparent from the beginning that there were 2 killers. You see one at the front door and run immediately to the back door and see another. Duh. But no one mentioned it. When Olivia is killed, GhostFace calls from Trevor’s phone, but 5 seconds after the attack when Trevor shows up to take Jill to an ambulance, no one questions him or even mentions that it was his phone the call came from. The film geeks had NO personality at all. They were certainly no Randy. And Rory Culkin was REALLY no Stu. Here’s where I spoil who GhostFace is if you’ve read this far and don’t want to know that one detail: Jill and Charlie? Really? How did those two get together to decide to do all this shit? They appear to barely talk before. It certainly wasn’t the relationship that Stu and Billy had in the original. And Charlie and Trevor, the pairing that Jill was trying to set up? Also not Stu and Billy. It made no sense. It felt like Charlie was trying to be a Stu there in the end, but it was like a high school performance of that role. Just awful. Mary McDonnell’s death was horrible. And I don’t mean horrible as in tragic. Gale was just awful too. She was shrill and stupid and really badly acted. And really, in the end? They finally clue in that the killer’s really Jill because she mentions a detail she shouldn’t have known? Hasn’t that been done to death? And how the hell did she still expect to get away with that after strangling, shooting etc all those people in the hospital. And what about that? Why were shots going off left and right and crashes and broken glass all over the place and NO one from the hospital came to see what the deal was? The only thing I will say is that Jill’s motive was a nice indictment on our current “celebrity” trend, but that was about it.
To sum up, this movie sucked ass.
Then, I get home. Chris is sitting in the family room with the tv at top volume, playing some game. Whatever, obvs Em was able to sleep through it. I walk from the kitchen to the family room and glance in the dining room. Holy fuck. Let me back up. Chris took Em to soccer, yeah? Well, when they came home, he put her shin guards into her soccer bag and then dumped the soccer bag in the dining room. I’ll back up a bit again…our dog doesn’t chew on stuff a whole lot. The exception is dirty clothes. He chews them, rolls around in them, whatever to get our scent on him. So, we have to keep our closets closed. Well, why the hell would you leave sweaty shin guards in a bag on the ground? The bag is ALWAYS sitting up on a chair in the dining room. And instead of paying any kind of attention to the damn dog, he’s playing video games at top volume. GRRRRR. So, today I have to go to Dick’s and get some new shinguards for Em. /sigh