Posted by: wildflowerz | March 1, 2013

Ask yourself if what you’re doing today is getting you closer to where you want to be tomorrow.

Starting Weight: 239.2
Current Weight: 182.8
Weekly Change: -0.2
Total Loss: 56.4
3rd Goal (10% More): 63lbs
Daily Points Allowance: 27
Activity Point Earned Last Week: 52
Weekly Points Used Last Week: 4

Better late than never, I guess!  I was out most of the day until Em got home and honestly, it just slipped my mind until now!  So, a teensy little 0.2 loss.  I’ll take it, actually.  I have some possible reasons (not excuses, mind you….I’ll own the tiny loss).  I started my period.  Though, generally I’ve found that I usually retain weight right before my period starts, but once it starts, it goes away, so it’s possible that’s not it.  I have been feeling extra crappy this time, though, so I don’t know.  I also am very sore from my workout yesterday.  That’s not happened to me in quite a while.  And all I added was two 60 second planks.  But my abs are killing me.  You know…under all that fat.  🙂  Less fat, but fat none the less.  My arms are also sore, probably also from the plank.  Also, right before my period started, I felt SO FREAKING snacky.  Once the period started, it wasn’t nearly as bad, but before I was starving!

I’d planned on trying out the new free weight strength workout with the lighter weights I have at home today.  But I never got around to it!  After WW, I went to Big Lots (and found some REALLY cute storage boxes!).  I then went to the used book store and wasted entirely too much time looking for books.  After that, I went to BJs and bought too much stuff.  There I ran into the mom of one of Em’s classmates and talked to her for a long time.  Then I stopped by Target and picked up two black, wooden tv trays to serve as side tables for the new sofa.  It was the best I could find and they were only $8 each, so even if we find something else, I didn’t waste too much money.  By the time I got home, it was almost 1 and I still needed to eat lunch and take a shower.  I just had enough time for that stuff, as well as putting up my purchases before it was time to get Em off the bus.

So, the weather forecast has changed again.  Now it’s just supposed to be cold tomorrow, but not start raining until noon or so.  Here’s hoping it holds off.  I’m thinking that Chris is going to use the cold excuse to not go to the 5k tomorrow morning.  We’ll see.  It should be REALLY cold and probably miserable.  But even if I have to go alone, I’ll go and do my best.  (How’s that for a positive attitude?!)

Em didn’t end up having a soccer practice today.  So at 10am tomorrow morning, she and her team will play their first game without having had the first practice and where only 5 of them know each other and have played together before.  Here’s hoping the other 4 have at least played before at some point.  Fingers crossed.

So about the “dieting”…  This is the 5th or 6th time I’ve seriously tried Weight Watchers.  The first time, I got within 10lbs of my WW goal weight (they say 145) and gave up.  Until now, the other times I’ve done it, I’ve followed a predictable pattern:  I join, lose 15-20lbs in a reasonable time and then I stall out.  I get tired of thinking about food ALL THE TIME.  It consumes me and frustrates me and is even worse because it feels like it’s all I think about.  During that time, I also tried two other types of diets.  I tried Nutrisystem once.  Absolutely honestly, I took a break from WW to try NS because of the constant thinking about food.  I thought that NS would be a good thing to try so that I didn’t have to think so much.  I thought I would eat the food they sent me and it would take all the thinking out of it.  However, they don’t tell you how the program works until you get your food.  What NS really is is a lot of really shitty, high-sodium food (none of which needs to be refrigerated, if that tells you anything) that you have to eat with different combinations of foods they consider proteins, veg, fruit, fat, etc.  So if you’re wanting a diet where you don’t have to think, NS is not for you.  I did it for two months.  The food was horrible.  Most the food in their commercials that looks like it might be okay is NEVER in stock, so you can’t get it anyway.  The other diet I tried was this system from some bodybuilder guy that I’d never heard of before.  For it, you use your stats to figure out how many calories you need a day to maintain your body and then it tells you how you should amend it to lose, gain, or maintain your weight.  It says you should have 5-6 smaller meals a day.  The first one’s slightly larger, the last one’s slightly smaller, and the middle ones are all the same.  This is referring to the calorie counts of each meal.  THEN, through trial and error, you’ve got to figure out how many of those calories from each meal should come from protein, fat, or carbs.  The ideas behind it are sound.  But in practice it’s very difficult, if not impossible to do.  At least for me.  Maybe I’m the only one.  So this one didn’t last all that long.

So.  What’s different about this time?  When I started WW this time, it followed the exact same pattern.  I joined in September of 2011 and lost 20-25lbs.  I stalled out then.  I was going with a friend at the time and honestly, that really kept me going, even though she didn’t seem to be into it very much.  But I didn’t give up.  Over the summer, I barely went at all.  I came up with a million different reasons not to go, mostly because Em was home with me.  I signed up for water aerobics classes they were doing at our pool, but I didn’t go to the first one.  Some time in June or July, I found a Groupon for a local gym that was SO CHEAP that I couldn’t pass it up.  So I bought it and intended to start going on Em’s first day back at school.  Exercise is something that I’ve always been able to really get into, given a certain set of circumstances:  do it first thing in the morning and do it at the gym.  So I started going 3-4 days a week.  I liked it.  I went more.  I have to make myself take a rest day.  I also started a Couch to 5K program.  I’d tried it a few times, but never progressed much past the 3rd week.  But I felt more motivated this time and I kept going.  I finished it, though I was still going slow.  I had a bit of a setback when I got sick for a few weeks.  I was finally able to build my stamina back up and now I can jog for at least 50 minutes at an incline of 1.0.  That’s on a treadmill, not outside.  I want to be clear that there’s a big difference and outside is much harder.  Anyway, being so on point with the exercise feels like it makes staying on point with the food easier.  It’s like if I have control over this one area, I know that I can accomplish something…so why can’t I do well in another area?

I’ve noticed that my attitude is different this time too.  I’ve always known that this isn’t something you can look at as a diet to do for the short term, but a way of eating that’s going to have to be maintained for my entire life.  But knowing that and actually accepting it are two different things.  Before I’ve always gotten tired of “dieting” and wanted to just be able to eat what I wanted.  This time, I feel more like it’s something that I need to do all day, every day.  Of course, that doesn’t mean I can never indulge, just that I need to know what I can safely indulge in and when it’s advisable.  For instance, for me, sweets should be eaten in the evening before bed.  If I eat them during the day, I just keep thinking about them and wanting more.  But if I eat them in the evening, I go to sleep and forget about it by the next day.  I’ve noticed this change the most in vacations and holidays.  Before, I’ve looked at those times as a change to just let go, eat what I want, and worry about it later.  However, this time, all through the holidays and a week long Disney vacation, my goal was to stay on target.  I did give myself a bit of leeway.  For instance, in my daily life, I try to just eat my daily points.  I don’t eat my weekly points and I don’t eat my activity points.  But on vacation, I relaxed a bit and used my weekly points.  I ate more during Christmas and a lot more during Disney.  But I still lost weight.  And during that all, I felt like I was still “doing the right thing” and looking for the healthiest option.  But I didn’t feel like I was missing out on anything.  I still had bites of desserts and even whole desserts a few times.  I logged it as best I could and moved on.

Also to help with the “obsession” with food, I tweak the plan.  This is something that every WW leader will tell you not to do.  But I do it. Here’s what works for me:  I don’t measure everyday things, I make my best guess.  And I don’t count points for condiments like ketchup and mayonnaise.  But keep in mind that I also only eat any of my daily points 98% of the time.  So I figure that what I mess up on and what I don’t count are being taken care of by those weekly points and activity points.  To me, the ease that it gives my mind in not having to constantly think about food outweighs the fact that I don’t have an exact count on the points I’m really eating.  However.  I fully realize that at some point my weight loss may slow down or stall.  It gets harder when you get closer to your goal.  So, at some point, I might have to start measuring and counting condiments.  I really hope not because this is working well for me now.  But I’m not so stubborn as to stick to something that’s not working, especially since it’s something that I’ve “made up” for myself.  I absolutely don’t believe in sticking to something that’s not working for an insanely long time.  If it’s not working, make a change.  If it is working, keep at it.  Don’t lie to yourself and say you’re 100% perfect at your plan, whatever it is, when you know that you really ate 95% of what baked potato and not the 33% you professed to.  You can lie to yourself and to everyone else, but your body will know (and show) the truth.

Two other things have helped me.  My doctor told me that you should always feel just a little bit hungry.  WW uses that balloon analogy that never really stuck for me.  But if I keep in mind that I should always be a little bit hungry, it makes it a little easier.  And as long as I stick to getting in the Good Health Guidelines (5 or more fruit and veg, 2 milk, 6c or more water, etc) and eat my daily points, I know that I’ve eaten what I should be eating and that makes it easier too.  I can always eat more veg and fruit because it’s 0 points.  Another thing that helps me, I guess, is kind of a mantra.  I’ve never really been into that kind of psychobabble crap, but I have to admit that this helps me:

I put that image on my lock screen on my iPod.  I see it all the time, especially at the gym.  It helps me.  You’ve got to do what works for you.  And you’ve got to be honest with yourself, even if you won’t be honest with everyone else.  If you fuck up, own it.  Because I promise you that no one else cares and lying to yourself and others about it isn’t going to get you anywhere but fat and unhappy.

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