Posted by: wildflowerz | July 28, 2013

18

Guys, I have 18 more pounds to go.  That’s it.  18 teeny tiny little pounds until I’m at the goal that my doctor has set for me.  I’m feeling a few things about that.  First and foremost, it seems like such a tiny amount!  At my absolute highest, I weighed 250.  My lowest (since probably junior high) has been 155.  That was the first time I did WW.  That was also in…2002?  2003?  I can’t remember, but at least 10 years ago.  At that time, at 155, I was wearing a size 14 from Old Navy.  I still have a pair of the jeans I wore then.  They’re in my closet.  I can get them on now, but they’re way too tight.  However, I can wear a size 14 in today’s Old Navy shorts.  And my 16 jeans are too big.  I don’t remember how I felt at 155…at least not much.  I remember being amazed that I could see my collar bones sticking out.  I can tell you that right now, in this body, it feels like 18 more pounds isn’t going to get it done.  But the smaller you are, the more impact losing a pound supposed to be, right?  So maybe I’ll be happy at 150.  I never cared about being super skinny and I don’t aim for that IN THE LEAST.  I think to me now, it’s more about certain parts of me.  I’m reasonably content with my arms.  My upper arms have flab that I’ve almost resigned myself to just live with.  I’m a little less okay with my legs.  My lower legs are okay.  My upper legs I could get around to being okay with, but the inner thigh flab still vexes me.  I’d rather not have lost so much weight in my chest, but what can you do?  That’s why they make padded bras.  My waist is alright, but I’d like to lose a little more.  It’s the entire hip/spare tire area that bugs me.  I’ve always had a weird shaped butt.  It’s super flat, but there’s a hump at the top.  I can definitely tell that it looks better.  For sure.  So, the butt part I can get with too.  My hips are even much smaller on the sides compared with my waist.  By that front pooch area drives me mad!  I hate it!  There’s some loose skin now, but mostly it’s still filled with flab.  Blech.  Maybe my last 18lbs will come off from there.  I can only hope, right?

When WW did their newest re-vamp, they had these kits that came with a bunch of stuff, one of which was a book called Success Handbook.  It’s written by Liz Josefsberg.  She’s a WW Leader and Director of Brand Advocacy, whatever that means.  I think she’s also Jennifer Hudson’s leader.  I’m not sure why that matters so much, but the WW leaders tell you that all the time, so there ya go.  Mostly, it seems like a workbooks with stuff that’s supposed to help you that I never had the patience to explore very much.  However, I was flipping through it the other day and read something about motivation that hit me.  She says it much better than me, so I’m going to copy it in here.

“The key to having a steady supply of motivation is to realize that it isn’t a straight line that ends abruptly at the edge of a cliff and drops off into an abyss.

Motivation is a circle:  At the top of that circle is your most highly motivated state.  As your drive starts to slip, it moves down and around to the right, like the hands on a clock.  At the bottom of the circle is a less motivated state, where you may experience a plateau and start to disengage.

At the 9:00 or 10:00 position, you are reaching the all-out unmotivated state.  You may not care what happens anymore, and you stand outside yourself and watch as you make choices that lead you further and further away from your goals.  You may be gaining weight, losing hope, and possibly even deciding that this is the end of your weight-loss journey.  It’s not.  The point is that even when you are feeling the least motivated, you are never too far from the highly motivated state.

Notice how the low point of motivation on the circle is very close to the high point?  That’s because the low point may trigger something-like weight gain-that can kick you right back into the highly motivated state.  So those times that feel the worst are actually helping you get to your goals.

You can move around the circle in either direction at any time;  you are not doomed to reach all-out unmotivation if you slip to the less motivated state.  That’s because you have the power to nudge your motivation back up to the top of the circle when you sense it sliding down.  The first move is to understand the steps that can get your drive going again.”

I like that.  I like thinking that even when you’re at your lowest, it’s very close to your highest.  You’ve just got to stick with it and don’t give up and you’ll get there.  This time, I’d say I hit the lowest point of motivation last summer.  I was barely following the program and exercising almost none.  Since October or so of last year, I’ve not gotten close to that low point.  I’d say there was a few weeks in there that I hovered around the 6:00 position, but that’s it.  I’d say that from October until March or so, I was at around 1:00 or 2:00, even at 12:00 for some.  Since March, I’ve probably been around 3:00 to 6:00.  Right now, I’d say….4:00?  The hunger is awful and the summer schedule is dragging me down some, but I don’t feel anywhere close to quitting.  I feel like I’ve just got to keep going.  Quitting isn’t really an option.  I like being active.  I like doing more active things and even wanting to do more active things, even when I can’t get the family to cooperate.

So there ya go.  That’s what’s been on my mind lately.

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